Enterprising Soldier avoids work, hailed for setting the standard
All characters appearing in this work are
fictitious… or at least embellished to the point of satire. This is a blog,
people, not the New York Times… ok bad example. Regardless names have been
altered to protect sources anonymity.
“It’s it isn’t easy ducking the man,” said Spc. Thomas
Leaner, his face streaming with sweat as he crouched on the sand a scud-missile
bunker. “Sometimes you gotta do work to get out of work, you know?”
Avoiding work, or Shaming, as the kids are calling it
these days, is a hallmark of military service, though few speak openly of the practice.
“Its all about being in the right place at the right
time,” explained Leaner, a self proclaimed Sham Artist. “Its about reading your
NCOs mood, keeping your ear to the ground for cushy details, and listening to
the little voice in the back of your head when it says, ‘First Sergeant’s
coming around, maybe you should duck into the latrine for half an hour.’”
A wheeled
vehicle mechanic deployed to an undisclosed place in the desert, hereafter
referred to as POGville, Leaner said he spent five of his six years of service
as an active duty Soldier actively dodging responsibility and using his fellow
mechanics success to his advantage.
“I
worked very hard for the first year I was in the army, but I learned pretty quickly
that nobody gave a shit,” he said. “One morning, when I had a wicked awful
hangover I dipped out after PT formation. Nobody noticed so I did the same
thing the next day. That weekend I traded my medic an hour of labor on his car
for a forged profile and I didn’t do PT until I PCSed two years later.”
Leaner added with glee that he in fact never fixed the
medic’s car, but convinced an underage private to do the task in exchange for a
case of beer which his roommate paid for.
Leaner’s leaders have nothing but praise for the junior
Soldier.
“He’s an important part of our maintenance team,” said
Sergeant First Class Barry Spacey, Leaner’s Motor sergeant, yet for some reason
also his first line supervisor, “He always knows the stats to the Vikings
games, which is very important for moral, and I know he’s hard at work because
I can never pull him away from our trucks to help with other sections’
vehicles.”
Praise for Leaner’s skills don’t stop on the enlisted
side.
Capt.
Marty Masters calls the Specialist a solid young Soldier with a bright future
in the Army.
“I’ve
never seen that kid without grease all over his uniform,” Masters said. “He
must spend all his time waist deep in engines. In a couple more years I’d like
to see that Soldiers warrant packet on my desk.”
Back in the bunker learner displayed a grin and produced
a small can of engine grease he’d hidden somewhere in his PT Shorts after
hearing his commanders praise
Learner’s goal is to make Masters proud and join the ranks of
warrant officers, whom he respects as masters of Shamcraft.
“Those guys are shamurai warriors,”
he said the dreamy glaze of his eyes reflecting the wasted tax dollars of
hundreds of hard working Americans. “Nobody knows what they do, so they never
have to do anything… Twenty years of free money, man… It’s a beautiful thing”
blinking his way out of his slothful
daydream leaner glanced at his watch, and a grin spread across his sweat
stained face.
“Afternoon PT is over,” he said, and
this reporter finally grasped why he chose such an uncomfortably hot local for
his hideout. “I’m headed to the DFAC for wing night, you coming?”
Three Soldiers look on intently as a fourth does some kind of work with a blowtorch.
A highly advanced sham artist practices the skill of selective invisibility.
A Soldier shams out while during a mission in the middle east some place.
