My bubble gum confessions

Last week I wrote about Neil Young. He personifies almost everything I love about Rock n’ Roll. He blended brilliant songwriting with tenacity and heart to create truly powerful music despite his lack of innate vocal talent or good looks.

He’s a Rock n’ Roll Hall of Famer who will be influencing other musicians for years to come.

Of course other than musicians and weird guys who sit in their parents basement ranting about shit on the Internet, (my people) nobody really cares about his music.

Instead the youth of America, and the rest of the world for that matter, care about Lady GaGa and Katie Perry and Bruno Mars.

The idea that modern popular music sucks is one of my chief reasons for starting this blog in the first place, and I will stand by that claim until I die, or popular music stops sucking... So until I die basically.

That being said, this time I’d like to share a few “bubble gum” artists who, one way or another wormed their way into my affection. Whether I like it or not.

First on my list of shame: Justin Timberlake.

I’ve had mixed feelings about JT for the past 5 years or so. He was the annoying, prettyboy, Mickey Mouse Club drama queen at the heart of the boyband faze, who became cool almost overnight by acting in cool movies and cracking jokes with the Lonely Island guys instead of focusing on his singing career.

Now he’s got a new album out, and I like it. I’m not really happy about it, but for some reason I can’t get Suit and Tie out of my head… in a good way.

         I always knew the guy had a great voice; I just wanted to punch his face every time he used it. Now I don’t for some reason.

Maybe it’s all the cool things he’s done in the past few years coloring my perception, or maybe my tastes have changed drastically.

I choose to believe that while he was acting and singing about naughty Christmas presents, JT learned how to use his vocal talents for good.

The next contestant on my game show, Music I Should Hate is an emotional train wreck with a history of getting beaten up by abusive assholes after she gives them the clap. Ladies and gentleman put your hands together for… Rihanna!!!

This girl represents almost everything I hate about pop music. She’s overly theatrical and in videos her sexuality seems more important than the actual music. Oh yeah, and her crazy, co-dependent Friday Night Smack Down of a “relationship” with Chris Brown has been so widely publicized that even shut-ins like me know about it. (I’m the guy who didn’t know the British prince’s wife was pregnant until, like last week.)    

All of that nonsense aside, though, her songs rock harder then just about anything else getting played on pop radio these days. (If you think Dubstep rocks harder, you are welcome to stop reading this blog and bludgeon yourself with the nearest blunt object.)

I remember the first time I heard Shut Up and Drive. It sounds kind of like a Cult song… you know… if The Cult was fronted by a fun, hot chick instead of a depressed guy. It’s straight up rock n’ roll, and I’ll fight anybody who says otherwise.

I almost left this last group off my list, because its almost too embarrassing for me. I’d even worked out a whole bit about liking Michael Jackson’s music even if he was a freak of nature, but that’s a cop out, everybody likes MJ, if you say you don’t your probably a hipster and lying or you’re dead.

Besides, nobody except my mom reads this blog, and she probably doesn't know who this band is anyway.

So, Here it goes…

I like Fall Out Boy.

I don't want to.

I tried not to.

But… they… were… too… damned… catchy!

          This band represents a subculture I can’t stand. Like dead fish washed up on shore after high tide, they rose to popularity in the wake of Blink 182’s pop punk sellout explosion.

         Touted as the kings of emo, these skinny jeanned fuckers made a killing selling albums and t-shirts to over-privileged and over-simulated middleclass teens with delusions of angst.

         Maybe it was an unavoidable reaction of the 90s when grunge made it cool to be sad, but good god, kids in the 00s took it to a whole new level. I should know; that’s when I grew up.

         For a long time I’ve pretended to hate this band, but I’m outing myself. I think Dance, Dance is pure candy corn bullshit, but I can’t help but love that song.

         Fall Out Boy is what the Ramones would sound like if they stopped huffing glue… and started doing something that made them even more up beat and sarcastic in a way more pretentious way. Canned air maybe?

         OK, I’ve bared my soul to you and shared a few of my more embarrassing musical proclivities. (“Proclivity” is a hard word to use in a socially acceptable context.) And I’ve probably alienated at least two of my readers. So, now I want to hear from the other three of you. What are a few of your guilty pleasures, musical or otherwise? The more embarrassing or humorous the better! Have fun with it.